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  • Writer's pictureLauren

Feelings in a global pandemic

Updated: Mar 20, 2021

This pandemic has been trying for so many reasons. People are losing their jobs, losing their loved ones and losing their overall lifestyle. This pandemic has been a time of loss, its been a time of pain and on a certain level we are all feeling it. There are levels to it, for me I've considered myself lucky throughout this pandemic. I haven't lost as much as some people, I've still had room to grow and yet I've still been feeling the effects of the lockdown and of the changing of the world as we know it. I've still felt anxiety and uncertainty about my safety, my families safety and the future. When people say that COVID will be a collective trauma, I used to understate it. It's not fair to say that everyone has gone through the same thing, some people have had more loss than others, some have been much more affected than others in so many facets of their lives.

It's not all on the same level, I don't want to understate this. But at the same time, we all have lost something, we all have had to change and grow. For me this pandemic has felt like a wave of disappointment and hopelessness. As we've moved through it the feelings have fluxed but as it began in the U.S. in March it was disappointing. It seemed like the world stopped the day after my 21st birthday, March 14th. I was supposed to be going on Spring break in Miami, swimming, beaching, drinking, boating, eating good food, just generally going to have fun. Instead I sat on my couch, binge watching netflix and eating pizza. And that's what I did for about a month into the pandemic. I had hope and then school went online for the entire semester, my internship in New York was put online and I had to move home. It was a lot of change and a lot of disappointment all hitting me at once.

We all have an idea of what our lives are going to look like. We have an idea of where we want to go and what we want to do. For me, 2020 was the year where I was starting to achieve my goals, I was looking for new experiences that I felt would build me as a professional and as a person. It would be the year of spending the summer in NYC, of brunches and trips and lots of time spent with my friends and meeting new people, it would be a year of adventure and accomplishment. That's what my 2020 looked like in my head and it all was quickly ripped away by the virus. It felt like everything that I was planning everything that I was looking forward to was being ripped away from me. Not only were my summer plans changed, plans for the school year also quickly changed. Being a senior in college is something that you both work incredibly hard for and look forward to. The senior year landscape has quickly adapted to the new environment and doesn't reflect what I imagined my senior year to look like.

When the pandemic began and we were locked down in MD I couldn't even do the simple things like go workout with my friends anymore and that's when it hit me. It was just the simple things that changed so drastically. Things that I had barely thought about before could have major consequences now. My life had completely changed in a matter of weeks, and would likely not be the same for a long while. It was hard to get over that, not just the disappointment but also the seemingly hopelessness of the situation. There was no telling how long this would last, what would happen and how it would affect the world. Realizing that depressed me, it put me in a bit of a hole and I cried a bunch, my motivation was sapped and I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do.

Time helped, but also making peace with the circumstances that we're in. There's nothing we can do to change the state of the world but there are actions we can take to make it better in our communities, wear our masks and continue to social distance. As things start to open up we will be able to create a balance between safety and getting back to doing the social things that bring us happiness. When it comes to our mental space, we have to make peace, we have to reflect on what we have and what we can still be grateful for at this time. Writing and spending more time on other interests has been important during this time. Spending time with my family and doing activities together has also been one of the bright points of the pandemic.

This is clearly a hard time, but staying safely connected and looking at the positives and new opportunities that this situation brings can help ease some of the disappointment and uncertainty we've all been facing.

&on that note,

Wear a mask and stay safe!



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